Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
