I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
