He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
