i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
