Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize