My pussy is not your playground.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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