The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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