its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
