Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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  (813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. http://tfl.nu/zrqp
  Replies (41) Good night (5094) Bad night (1284)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?

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  (303): I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day? http://tfl.nu/tvel
  Replies (19) Good night (3049) Bad night (741)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
  Replies (34) Good night (4095) Bad night (933)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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  (301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later. http://tfl.nu/zlbw
  Replies (3) Good night (4238) Bad night (973)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

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  (334): I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon http://tfl.nu/p3qx
  Replies (44) Good night (6230) Bad night (1093)
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  (831): View more from California

  No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.

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  (831): No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone. http://tfl.nu/jc2m
  Replies (6) Good night (1933) Bad night (1113)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future

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  (330): He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future http://tfl.nu/ji9u
  Replies (8) Good night (851) Bad night (3678)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time

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  (812): Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time http://tfl.nu/8x6u
  Replies (6) Good night (3088) Bad night (893)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.

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  (+44): i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit. http://tfl.nu/4l0m
  Replies (5) Good night (2036) Bad night (944)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.

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  (513): I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago. http://tfl.nu/r6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (2308) Bad night (710)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot

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  (781): I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot http://tfl.nu/lamm
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (1705)
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  (760): View more from California

  The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter

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  (760): The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter http://tfl.nu/uanv
  Replies (6) Good night (1057) Bad night (584)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.

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  (506): Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it. http://tfl.nu/c7ua
  Replies (5) Good night (509) Bad night (669)
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  (619): View more from California

  you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.

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  (619): you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's. http://tfl.nu/zax5
  Replies (6) Good night (514) Bad night (370)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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  (732): He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle http://tfl.nu/wavz
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (176)

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