I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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