Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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  (313): remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck. http://tfl.nu/0g1v
  Replies (3) Good night (1122) Bad night (623)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.

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  (678): Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol. http://tfl.nu/nnbo
  Replies (7) Good night (1096) Bad night (2212)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

  (210): View more from Texas

  Put my glitter back.

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  (214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc
  Replies (16) Good night (3256) Bad night (617)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Ketchup is God's man juice

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  (720): Ketchup is God's man juice http://tfl.nu/p9oo
  Replies (43) Good night (2760) Bad night (1451)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight

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  (501): instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight http://tfl.nu/gwkf
  Replies (50) Good night (4370) Bad night (760)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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  (727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y
  Replies (15) Good night (4147) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest

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  (815): Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest http://tfl.nu/qjdf
  Replies (12) Good night (4407) Bad night (727)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.

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  (412): We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you. http://tfl.nu/7kee
  Replies (2) Good night (1181) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard

  (1-510): View more from California

  Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.

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  (510): I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard (1-510): Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening. http://tfl.nu/lvw9
  Replies (5) Good night (2434) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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  (719): If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila. http://tfl.nu/6g2r
  Replies (25) Good night (2100) Bad night (1244)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

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  (832): after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations. http://tfl.nu/2l5l
  Replies (14) Good night (1500) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!

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  (504): If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!! http://tfl.nu/gw9p
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"

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  (954): He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good" http://tfl.nu/rht4
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (187)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"

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  (860): We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?" http://tfl.nu/8tlk
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (216)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.

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  (985): Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it. http://tfl.nu/i5dn
  Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (463)

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