My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.