Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default