Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!

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(805): Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter! http://tfl.nu/vj10

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(904): View more from Florida

btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets

(1-904): View more from Florida

i wish i had your life

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(904): btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets (1-904): i wish i had your life http://tfl.nu/5ctk

Replies (33) Good night (4054) Bad night (767)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.

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(781): Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart. http://tfl.nu/ct0g

Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (3773)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

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(+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz

Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (3821)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

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(608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x

Replies (32) Good night (9074) Bad night (1856)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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(304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se

Replies (88) Good night (14855) Bad night (3145)
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(305): View more from Florida

nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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(305): nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night http://tfl.nu/tom4

Replies (25) Good night (3988) Bad night (1881)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?

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(202): Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry? http://tfl.nu/phvz

Replies (1) Good night (1545) Bad night (480)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.

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(440): Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it. http://tfl.nu/mpdx

Replies (2) Good night (892) Bad night (345)
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(067): View more from

I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you

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(067): I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you http://tfl.nu/7n00

Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (564)
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(716): View more from New York

I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.

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(716): I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow. http://tfl.nu/y8yu

Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (307)
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(607): View more from New York

I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?

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(607): I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing? http://tfl.nu/ocvg

Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (777)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years

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(857): Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years http://tfl.nu/6jcz

Replies (1) Good night (691) Bad night (464)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend

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(301): I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ci1n

Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (366)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"

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(270): Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!" http://tfl.nu/cswu

Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (325)

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