then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind