I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
