guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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