ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.