so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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