There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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