It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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