if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
