You smell like stripper and shame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
