Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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