Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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