Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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