I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
