I wannas sexs uuuuu
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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