I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
