i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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