worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
