Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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