You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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