After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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