my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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