i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
