someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
