I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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