Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
