ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
