If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
