I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
