i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
