I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
