I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
