walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
