Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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