I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
