when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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