Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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