His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
