He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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