I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
