babies were throwing up all over the place
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
