is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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