I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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