I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
