I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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