I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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