just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
