miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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