Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
