i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
