Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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