I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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